This crazy thing called Life

It has been forever since my last blog.  I cannot believe how my life has changed in 4 short months.  We go from a family of 2 to a family of 4 within a 3 weeks span....and I wouldn't change one bit.  I have no clue where this journey will take me and Walter but I am putting my heart into it.  I don't know any other way.  I tell myself to compartmentalize...but that's easier said than done.  Sometimes it will hit me that these two sweet angels may not be our lives forever, but I am going to show them as much love and attention as I can while I have them.  I love them so much, it will absolutely break me if they have to leave.  But I knew going into this whole process that that was a possibility...heck it's a 50/50 chance at this point.  I know that I get frustrated on a daily basis with them but Lord knows that I wouldn't change it for the world.

So just a little update; we've had another court date, but no changes were made to the orders.  We have a meeting with DSS next month and another court date in October.  But honestly there will probably be no changes made at those two times either. 

We did take the kids to Disney in June and had a ball!  They were so excited and heck, I was too.  I love it there and would take them back again...and soon.  We're planning a beach trip in a couple weeks for Labor Day so that'll be fun too.  I really want to do another cruise but you cannot take them out of the country and I do not want to leave them for a week.  It's crazy I know, but I am so attached.  And plus we've got a great routine going on and they know what to expect.  I would hate it if they thought we had left them all of a sudden.  That would break my heart.

While we were driving down to Disney R started with a viral infection; fever, cough, and fussy.  Lasted 24 hours and then she was good to go.  However, that was also the week that she started this whole crying out in the middle of the night deal and trying to wiggle her way into our bed.  So now we are doing this whole cry it out method.  Let me tell you that it sucks!  We didn't start it until about a week ago, but she was taking over an hour to go to bed every night.  Then M wanted to get in on it b/c he sees that it's working for her.  So we've had to put a stop to it.  So now; I put them both to bed after reading books, hugs, kisses, and tucking them in.  She is still crying out but it's getting less and less.  Tonight was only 20 minutes.  And I do go upstairs after a certain time to make sure she's OK and just reassure her that it's bedtime and she'll see us again when she wakes up.  She's got a nightlight & fan for white noise.  Plus we can see her on the monitor to make sure she's OK.  Of course the other night when Walter was home he was the one who went back up and as soon as she heard the stairs creak she craned her little head and screamed louder.  Girl knows what she's doing:)
It gets really hard when she starts in on the "Mom-mom", breaks my heart.  I have to hide out in my room and watch the monitor.  B/c I know if I leave my room I'll be up the stairs in a hot minute.  Don't judge me!

On our agenda for now is R's bday party in September and M's bday in October.  I am really excited about throwing them parties....I do love to plan:)

So that is all for now...or really all I have time to type for now.  I hope that all is well in all of your lives and thanks for the continued prayers and thoughts. 

One month in...and going strong

It has now been one month since M & R moved in; things are getting better and better every day.  In the beginning it was difficult; not only for the kids, but for Walter & myself too.  Our lives completely turned upside down.  We were used to going when we wanted to, eating no matter the time, taking naps during the day if we felt like it, and most of all sleeping in in the mornings.  Oh yeah, that's all gone.  Now apparently you have to feed these kids every few hours or they get really upset:)  But when they came to our home they were not speaking a whole lot, and what was said couldn't be understood.  Bedtime was a nightmare, and the food issues were so heartbreakingly (I know it's not a word...but more appropriate) sad.  So after a month the kids have gotten more used to us and us to them.  They are speaking more, and M is putting words together to form sentences.  We are all getting in a routine...finally!  The food issues seem to be getting better; they are no longer overeating or gorging themselves.  They both stop when they are full.  Bedtime is slightly better....of course when do kids ever want to go bed?  But overall we are all getting better.  Thursday is visit day with birth parents, that is still hard b/c it really confuses them.  The kids moved daycares a couple weeks ago, so they are finally getting used to that as well.  I, of course, have now taken my shopping problem to a completely new level....I'm outta control y'all! 

Honestly, overall we are all doing well.  Things are getting easier everyday.  We are just trying to take things one day at a time, b/c at this point these children are not up for adoption.  We have to understand that there is a 50/50 chance that these two little ones will go back to their birth parents.  Which will break my heart!  But we are really enjoying the time that we do have with them; they are sweet, funny, loving, and loud children.  We love them already and hope to have lots more time with them.

Please continue those prayers for our family.  We feel each and every one of them.  Thanks so much for following us on our crazy journey, it means a lot.

Life Changes....

Well, we've had the two little ones with us for about 2 weeks now; they moved in on March, 28 2013, right before Easter.  It has definitely taken some acclamation on all of our parts.  Walter and I were used to going wherever and whenever we felt like it.  We've quickly realized that this is no longer an option.  Kids have to nap, and eat, and have diaper changes, and don't like to shoe shop (well the little girl, R, does:) and are not interested in hanging out watching movies or TV all day.  So our life is so different than it was just 2 weeks ago.  We are very pleased with our changes right now, we welcomed it.  I absolutely adore these children.  Although I have no clue what the future holds; I hope that I can continue to be a part of their lives, no matter what happens.  But to say that I would not be completely heart broken would be a lie.  I am really trying to stay strong and realize that God has a plan for us and we can't really rush Him, LOL.  So patience is becoming more of a need of mine.  I've never been good with it....so starting all over again with this roller coaster ride is tough.  But we are hanging in there and taking it one day at a time.  Trying to be strong, loving, firm, and constant for them.  Please continue to pray that we are what they need right now in their little lives, because I know they are what I need right now in mine.  Thanks to all who read and pray for us....we need 'em!

Update y'all!

This is going to be a quick update!  But most of you already know of our intent to adopt; well our social worker has an opportunity for us.  It's technically not an adoption, but it is fostering; which is more than we've had in the past.  There are two little ones that were with us this past weekend and will also be here again this weekend.  They are scheduled to move to our home soon. They are so sweet and loving.  The plan is currently for reunification for these two.  But we plan on being there for them and helping them through this time in their lives. At this point I have no idea what God has in store for us, but feel strongly about these children being with us.  Maybe it's a learning opportunity for us, maybe it's more.  But at this time I plan to put my faith and life in God's hands and enjoy the ride.  Thank you all so much for your continued thoughts and prayers....and thanks for reading.

This is a very late update; but I now am willing to share.

     This is a post that will not be posted for a while b/c I'm not sure of the outcome.  Today's date is August 29, 2012.  Earlier this month we found out that we were pregnant.  Shocker!!!  Apparently going on vacation and taking it easy equals pregnant.  So take that REACH!  OK, getting back on track.  Currently we are 8 weeks along, this is the farthest we've ever gotten with out the aide of drug therapy.  We are excited and nervous of course b/c honestly we both had given up on this possibility and had accepted that fact.  We had moved forward with our adoption process.  Well here we are 3 years later and in this situation again.  I know that God works in very mysterious ways and He puts your life on His plan and not yours.  I do not doubt Him; but I wonder why we are on this path again.  Is this pregnancy different from the previous ones?  Yes, slightly.  I am taking aspirin daily to hope to fend of the "possible" antiphosphalipid syndrome.  I have had  a couple episodes of spotting; which in itself is scary.  But so far we are trucking along.  Tomorrow is another doctors appt for labs and ultrasound, which I'm very much looking forward to.  I will continue to keep everyone updated on our venture....of course it may be a little delayed.  If this all works out for us I want to tell everyone in a fun way and not via facebook post.  Some people already found out b/c of my mental breakdown after the first episode of spotting started; so for everyone else let the fun begin.  LOL.  Although none of you will read this right now; thanks for the continued prayers and thoughts for our family.  We appreciate them and keep 'em coming.

     Today is 12/12/12; obviously the above did not pan out like we hoped.  Another baby has gone to heaven.  I tell ya....it's just plum ridiculous!  But I know that God has a plan for us; and maybe he knew that adoption is our path.  But losing this pregnancy over Labor Day weekend was hard.  I didn't really tell anyone what was going on b/c I didn't want to have to tell them all if we lost another pregnancy.  There were a handful of people that knew, but honestly I wanted to be alone.  I cried, stayed in bed, and cried...a lot.  But it's been a few months and I am moving on.  I am happy that I have such a supportive husband who loves me and in no way blames me for what happens. 

     I started heavy bleeding on Labor Day and my doctors office was closed.  I called the Dr. on call at the hospital, but b/c of my history and the fact that I knew what was going on, they did not make me come in.  I stayed in bed all day and went to the OB/GYN on Tuesday.  At that time, I had an US which confirmed what I already knew.  On that day I was told that I really needed a D&C, which I quickly refused.  I had to take a medication that they give women after giving birth to make the cervix expel and shrink.  (best explanation I can think of...sorry).  I went back to the doctor on Thursday to see if all of the "tissue" had been passed...and it had.  The doctor immediately suggested that I not ever try to get pregnant again.  He also wanted to start me on BCP; which of course I've tried several and seem to have side effects to them.  Great....

     So this is where we are folks.  We have a total of 5 documented miscarriages (6 angels) and are now approved by the state of NC to be adoptive parents.  So we are still waiting on our children to come in to our lives.  Hopefully God will soon place those little angels in our home and hearts.  After everything that has happened I truly believe that adoption really is for us.  I do NOT want to go through this again, b/c you never get over what happens but you are able to move on.  That's where we are....moving on with our lives.  Thanks again for reading & your continued prayers.  God bless.

Done....sorta;)

Well folks, we are done!  Well, almost and not really.  We are officially finished with all of the home studies, fire inspections, back ground checks, credit checks, and one-on-one meetings.  Per our social worker we still have to be approved through the state of NC; which could take up to eight weeks, but for now we have finished.  After the final approval from the state we will then officially begin the waiting portion...hee hee!  We just don't know when our family will grow, so it could take up to two years.  But honestly, after all that we have been through over the last five, what is another waiting period?  So please continue to send thoughts and prayers; because those are always needed.  Thanks y'all!

Scarf Organization

     So I've decided to post some of my craft projects on this blog as well...these need to be put out into the world folks! Today I've been organizing my scarves.  If you're like me, you have a ton but nothing seems to make them easily accesible and easy to find the one you want.  So I was researching organization (A.K.A Pinterest) and found only one pin for this.  So I totally used the idea but changed it up just a little.  Here is what I did along with some of the pics taken.

     I used some old clothes hangers that I already had here at the house, some shower curtain rings (I think they were $1.20 each at Target), and a little fishing line to secure the rings to the hangers (which I also already had).

     I secured the rings to the hanger with some fishing line.  This is not completely neccesary; but if you don't then the rings will freely slide up and down the hanger.  It will not hang as straight in the closet as I like, so I tied them off a little but you are still able to adjust them if you needed more room on one side or the other.

     This is what it looks like once the rings are attached to the hanger.

     And this is the final result!  One of my problems with some of the products sold out there is that they hung too low.  I have 2 rows of hanging clothes in my closet, so some of the things that I bought just did not work...and trust me I purchased quite a few of them.  I've seen a few products at Bed, Bath, & Beyond that offer a similar solution like this one; but it would only hold about 8 scarves and cost around $20 each.  So to me this is a much better solution.  Since I already owned the hangers and fishing line; my total out of pocket cost was $2.38 for the shower rings. 

     So there you have it folks!  Thanks for looking.....