Answer?? Possibly...we'll see.

Well today I had a doctor's appt w/ my Gyn. As most of you know, Walter and I have had a hard time getting pregnant since I had the D&C last June. Well my menstrual cycle has only been 22 days as opposed to the normal 28 day cycle. After speaking to my Gyn today, she says that it sounds like I'm not ovulating. Apparantly no matter how much Walter & I do "it" lately it wouldn't have made a difference. So now I'm starting on a medication to help me ovulate normally. I'm hoping this works. Also I had to do some blood work to tell if there is anything else going on to cause me to have multiple miscarriages...so we'll see how it comes out in a day or so. But again I just wanted to thank everyone for all of their wonderful thoughts and prayers. I love you all so much. Don't worry I'll keep you all updated.

Thank you

I want to thank you all for the kind words. It meant a lot. I also want to thank you for allowing me to vent. It really did help, I feel better. I was able to get a lot of things off my chest that have been there for a very long time. I am just hoping that one day Walter and I will be able to start a family of our own. I am so happy with him, he makes me smile & laugh. He's so good to me. And I know that he would be a great father. You know that hurts a little too. He wants to be a dad about as much as I want to be a mom. So we're both in the same boat...even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I know that one day we will have children, whether it's biological or adoption. I am certain of that now. And just think if we adopt, no painful pregnancy. (That was so a joke people. Just trying to keep it light). I think I am now getting to the point where I don't hate people that are pregnant. I can look at them and not feel envy...well not a lot of envy. I can talk to people about their pregnancies again. I feel good. I feel like it's only a matter of time. Of course then next month will come and it may be the same blog all over again...who knows? But one thing does have to change. We cannot live our lives around trying to get pregnant. I mean honestly, that's only part of the battle. Even if we do get pregnant, we still have to hold on to it. There's no guarantee that'll happen. So I think that I'm focusing on us. On Walter & my life, our love, and our time together. I want us to have memories and things to be able to tell our kids when they get older...so we gotta do those things. Again though...wait until I vent next month. (ha ha). So again thank you all who read this and left me those wonderful messages of love and inspiration. I love you all.

Frustration! Explosions are imminent!

I know that I fuss a lot about our pregnancy issues. But to be honest I'm more frustrated now than I've ever been. I'm so tired of worrying about what day is best, i.e. "is this day # 8 or 10?" "What cycle am I on this month?" (B/c my cycles are sooo way off that it's hard to tell if I'm on a 22 or 28 day cycle). I'm tired of counting the days every single month. And if I'm on a shorter cycle when do I try to conceive? Should I start on day 8? If the cycle is longer, is it then day 14? Who the hell knows? And mostly I'm tired of hearing advice like "just do it all the time" or "just relax, it'll happen". I know that this advice is given from the heart and those from whom it is offered are loving and well meaning. But let's be honest here people...can anyone really do "it" everyday? No. Why? B/c Walter works crazy shifts and I don't see him everyday, there will be times when I don't see him for 3-4 days at a time. Also I'm beginning to feel like doing "it" is becoming more of a chore as opposed to what it should be...beautiful, love, & cherished. I count days, do "it", count some more, and then pray that my cycle doesn't start. What happens when it does? I get mad and tired and frustrated. I feel like crying right now. I don't think that some people can understand what I'm going through. It's hard. I've had 3 documented miscarriages, I'm about to turn 32, at the age of 35 the risk of birth defects increases, and my mom went through menopause at a very early age (37). So I am on a time limit here. I know that sounds crazy. I want a family and feel like I'm going through hell every month. I'm really at a loss. I know that people have been praying for us, and thank you for that. But what is the next step? I've made an appt with my GYN for next week to discuss some of my issues. I just feel so alone.
Another of my problems today is that I miss my Pop so much. They say that with time, the loss gets easier to deal with. And in some aspects, that's true. I can listen to songs now without crying. I can think about him and not break down. But I do think of him daily. I miss him. Some days are definitely better than others, but a day like today will cause a person to drink.
I love my family. They are the greatest, I just wish that I got to see them more often. Same with my friends. I haven't seen or spoken to Heather in forever. I'm finally going out to dinner with Brooke this weekend. It's been months since I've seen her. I'm only able to drive to Spartanburg about every other month, so seeing all of my friends and family is not frequent enough.
Thank you all so much who read and pray for us. Thank you for letting me vent my frustrations. I do feel better afterwards. Love you all!

Just an update!

I know that it has been almost a month since my last update, so here it goes. I know during my last post I was going to lose 8 more pounds. Well to be honest people I've gained 4 pounds. I know, I know. I suck right now. I have been doing a lot more working out. I've been running...that's right people, I said I was running on the treadmill. I've taken out some frustration on my punching bag and some ab work. So I'm really hoping that the weight that I've gained is some muscle and not actual weight. Atleast that's what I'm telling myself. I do feel thinner...but can't really tell just looking at myself. But I do plan on keeping up the routine. I do want to post some pics of before and after. So maybe you will be able to tell.

Walter and I are still trying to get pregnant too. So that is throwing a little hump in my weight loss routine. I don't want to go crazy with exercise if I could be pregnant. (As of right now..no) But also I think that I'm just thinking too hard about it. So I'm going to try to chill out and as my momma said...Boom. It'll just happen.

Walter and I are thinking about putting in a pool in July. We are just now beginning the process so hopefully we'll get to use it some this summer. That is if everything works out money-wise.

And finally you all would be super proud of me. I have put all of my credit cards in the safe. I did keep out my visa just in case, but all of the others are safe and sound. I am really trying to get out of debt. I have paid off 5 out of 9 cards. And 2 cards I have are at 0% interest. Those will be paid off very soon. I'm really excited b/c I have a plan in place. I am on track to be out of credit card debt in about 12 months. Maybe a little sooner, if other things happen.

So all of you are now up to date on my life...for now. I will put some pics on here soon. Thanks ya'll and love you!!

Weight Loss Update!

Ok so maybe I am taking a cue from my sortof BFF Heather (girl you still didn't call me back...hee hee). I know that my last post was about me getting back on track & now Heather has started putting her info online, so maybe ya'll will keep me accountable for my ups and downs. So here is the good news, 40 POUNDS LOST!!! I was sick last week so there was no working out, but today is a new day. (There may have been some Cold Stone icecream too...shhh!) So my plan after getting off of here is to do some working out. My next goal is to lose 8 pounds (that will put me under 200...WOO HOO!). So everyone keep me going. Post comments on here, post on Facebook, OR send me a text and holler for me to work out. Thanks ya'll! I will write more later with some good updating.

Random thoughts 02/10

In 01/08 I decided to change my diet. After Walter and I had our 2nd miscarriage, the doctors thought that it could have been due to my weight (then at 248 lbs). So at that point I went on a diet, well actually changed the entire way that I eat. Before I went on my "Vegas Vacation" I had lost 41 pounds (now it's more like 37) and I lost the weight by dieting alone. Of course I have been on a plateau for about 7 months now...possibly longer. But never gaining so that's good. But here lately I've decided that getting back to my regime would be best. I've started keeping track of my food intake on "myfitnesspal.com" and doing some exercise. I want to ease into it. I know that since Walter and I are trying to get pregnant again that I shouldn't really be "dieting", but it doesn't hurt to eat healthier (which is how I consider it). So my goal weight at first was 175 lbs. That means on another 36 lbs to go. But then I'm not pushing the issue too much. I'd streak my neighborhood if I got below 200....J/K!!



I've just started reading a new book series. It's called the "Black Dagger Brotherhood" series by J.R. Ward. It's pretty good, I do find it hard to put the books down, and they are about 400 pages each. Anyone who knows me, knows that I like the whole paranormal books...mostly to do with vampires. So I've just finished book #3 and cannot wait to start on #4, which I may do here shortly. I've also started reading another series by one of my favorite authors, Charlaine Harris. She writes the "Sookie Stackhouse" series (which I've read 4 times all the way through & of course it's about vampires) & I just recently picked up her "Harper Connelly" series (about a girl who can sense the dead). It is good, but not as good as the Stackhouse series, she's just an awesome writer. I'm reading so many different series right now that it's almost difficult to keep up. My mother-in-law has given me some books to read as well. So total there are about 10 books on my table.



Ok, now my booty is tired. Maybe the workout is just what I needed to make myself go to bed at a decent hour. Alright friends. I hope you all have a good night. Love ya!!

Random Info

Ok so there are so many things going through my mind right now. I just can't seem to get them all out...and I'll probably forget a few before I finish this blog. (Maybe I need some ADD meds..kidding).

Walter and I are on vacation this week. We are getting ready to head to Snowshoe, WV for a week of skiing. We're leaving today, but don't have to be in Snowshoe until Sunday. So we're spending the night at the base of the mountain for the night then heading up Sunday AM. We're leaving Friday afternoon from Snowshoe and then heading to Greensboro for Friday night. We're going to the Comedy Zone Friday night. I love that place! I love to fly to different places, but sometimes the driving vacas are a lot less stressful. So we're taking our time leaving today and spending time together. It's great.

This is the one thing I'm really excited about. In about a week Walter and I are going to begin trying to get pregnant once again. I'm finally ready to start the process over again. I know that we are one step closer to figuring out the problem that I have keeping a baby, and I pray that this time is the time where we have some babies. That's right I said babies. It has taken us a while to get to this point and I know that I want more than just one baby. I want kids...plural. So believe it or not I'm praying for a multiples pregnancy. This last pregnancy we were pregnant with twins and I was really excited...after the shock wore off. I am just ready for a family with kids and as long as it has taken us to figure out why we can't keep a pregnancy I'm afraid that we won't have a lot of time to have several different pregnancies to get the amount of kids that I want. I know that everyone that follows this is already a mother...and you're thinking that I'm crazy. But I know I'm crazy...ha ha! I know that I have a strong family support group and we would have a lot of help. Walter's family is just 30 minutes down the road & my mom pretty much lived with both of my sister's after their babies were born. I guess I am just ready to have a baby so bad that I would wish the craziness on myself. But my mom tells me how tough it was to have twins. (my sisters are twins) So I do have some idea. Of course I would be so excited for just one baby right now that I don't really care. I know that I'm babling, but I just have this on my heart and can't seem to convey what I mean or even how to say it. I have spoken to a friend who has adopted and Walter and I have even talked about that as an option. I think that we are just ready to have a family. So everyone please pray that something happens for us.