No luck...

     Well this cycle of IUI did not pan out like we hoped.  Unfortunately AF came of CD 23, which just happened to be Friday the 13th, and I thought wasn't suppose to happen because of all the fun hormones I was taking.  Don't get me wrong, I am not a superstitious person, but I find it memory-jogging.  So now Walter and I are trying to figure out our next step.  When I called REACH on Friday their response was "come in on CD 3 to try again" (another IUI round).  I guess I was expecting a little sympathy or empathy from the nursing staff.  I don't know why I expected that now because it's not like I've received it before...with the exception of one nurse, Marcey.  I am lost...and upset...and depressed...and ticked...and every other emotion in the book.  I feel like a failure, not only to myself but to my husband as well.  Now, I am not saying that he has ever even hinted around that he is disappointed in me not being able to carry a child, but that is what is going through my head.  I feel like I've let him down because I cannot give him a biological child.  It's the most normal thing in the world, right?  I mean, that's what we women do, we are made to have children.  God made us this way.  I feel broken in a way.  I mean, don't get me wrong it could be a lot worse.  I am still healthy and have a long life ahead of me, so it's not as if I'm dying from some awful disease.  But still, I'm not quite...whole.  Maybe it's the simple fact of needing children in my life.  Not necessarily giving birth to a child, but actually having a child in my life.  Someone that I can watch grow and learn.  Someone to teach how to ride a bike.  OK, who am I kidding?  It would sooo be Walter who does that, I'm just not that good at it.  But dang it, I got other mad skills!  So here comes the part in our life where we decide the rest of our lives.  Do we stop trying naturally and go the egg donor route?  Do we go towards adoption?  Do we stop all together?  Well, I can honestly say NO to the third option.  I want kids.  Plain and simple.  Walter and I are on vacation in another week.  We haven't had a lot of time to sit and talk about it, so it will be nice to have 8 days together to do that.  I hope to have a plan of action after that week off.  More updates to come and please keep the prayers coming.  I need them and can feel God's hand, keeping me calm.  So thank you for that. 
     On a much brighter note, I visited a church today with my friend, Holly, and enjoyed it very much.  Thanks again for reading.