Update

Well there is no big news yet. I know that I was a little frustrated the other day...but sometimes I really need to vent it all out. Walter has been wonderful. He is still so positive, which brings me back to reality and keeps me on track. We do have an appt with Dr. Dufour (fertility) next month and we are going to do another round on Clomid this month. Although to be honest, I really don't want to. I hate the side effects...but the possibilities make it all worth it. We are hoping that we have a better idea of ovulation after the OPK's last month. I am hoping and praying for some great news soon! To be honest, I am so tired of hearing and seeing pregnant people. Damn! Is it in the water? I'm trying not to cuss these people out, so if you are one of these people and I do...please understand that I am going through a heck of a lot right now. No! I do not want to hear about your 4th cousin twice removed who is finally pregnant after 4 long years of trying. I don't care!! OK, so maybe I wasn't completely done with my venting. Thanks to those people who offered helpful advice, prayers, and understanding of my craziness. I really am grateful. I just have a few people in my daily life who don't understand that telling me about someone they know just finding out that they are pregnant is not really helpful for me. Nor does it make me feel better or optimistic. Please keep those prayers going, we need them right now. I love you and thanks again.

Completely frustrated!!!

Today I am so frustrated, sad, angry, and overall...depressed. Walter and I have been trying to get pregnant for some time now. The doctors have me on Clomid, b/c they thought that I was not ovulating, for 4 months now. The pills really make me crazy. But I've taken them. This month I also did the OPK (ovulation predictor kits) to see exactly when I'm ovulating. Originally the doctors thought that I was ovulating early b/c my levels were so low. Well according to the OPK, I'm actually late. So we have been trying all month, and I checked my levels yesterday at work, got the results today, and they are even lower than last month. I really thought that we did it this month (hee hee) but if I go by my labs...not so much. I took an early pregnancy test and it was negative. I just don't what is going on. I'm so tired of trying and testing and labwork. I want kids soooo bad and now it seems like it's never going to happen. Our infertility started after my D&C, so something has to be wrong....right? I looked into surrogacy and it's around $60,000. With adoption it's similar in price if you do a private adoption, but if you go through the foster system it's hard to find babies. And I hate to say it...but I want a baby-baby. The doctors are talking about IUI (intra-uterine insemination), which again is expensive and there is no guarantee I will be able to carry a child to term, as the doctors do not know why I continue to miscarry. I am in need of prayers people!! I need courage, strength, hope, optimism, and health. If everyone who reads this could please send that up for me I would appreciate it. Thanks ya'll. Love you!