The end of another year...

Well, it's the end of another year and still no children.  But hopefully that all will change soon.  If you have read my previous blog then you know that we are trying a round of IUI.  That is going pretty good.  I've had to do 2 hormone shots daily for 5 days, tomorrow I will do 2 HCG "trigger" shots and then go to REACH on Saturday morning at 7 (that's right!  7am on my day off).  I will have labs and an US done, if all looks well then at 11am the Dr. will do the IUI.  So fingers crossed!  But honestly I know children will be in our future, I just know it.  I don't know how; adoption, IUI, egg donation, or surrogacy, but they will be there.  There are so many children in foster care that need loving homes, and guess what?!  Walter and I have a home and LOTS of love to give.  I do promise to write more this weekend after the procedure (hopefully it will happen).  But to be honest I am a little nervous.  On December 31st I could possibly get pregnant.  It could happen!  No if you truly know me, then you know that I will be stressing until I am able to take a pregnancy test.  I will want to find out every single day, and waiting is not my strong suit. Of course if we don't get pregnant I may honestly be a little crushed.  I know that it is a long shot and I can't put a lot of faith in it...but it could happen.  Right?  I know that this post is up and down, but I just can't help it!  I tell you....I'm crazy!!!  These hormones are making me a little (a lot) loopy.  So thanks for reading and I will write more later b/c honestly I do believe that my brain is a little wonky.  So again, thanks and more to come.

IUI Anyone?

     That's right, you got it!  Walter and I have come to a decision...at least for now.  One of the obstacles that I am trying to overcome is the fact that I may have "bad" eggs.  We don't know for sure b/c there is not a test for that, so it's a lot of guessing and experience on my doctors behalf.  But before we decide to give up on biological children, I have to try again...with drugs this time.  We have decided to try a round of IUI (intrauterine insemination).  So for 5 days I will take 3 shots a day, not alcohol, but hormones.  So there goes the work place!!  (As if I'm not emotional enough!).  But we try to stimulate my ovaries to the extreme and hopefully get a "good" egg, then we do the IUI.  Sounds easy enough, right?  Well, it kind of is.  It's the least invasive and also least expensive.  That, unfortunately, is playing a pretty big role in our decision.  It would be different if you could get a guarantee....but that would cost $40,000 instead of the whole $25,000.  That's right folks I said $25,000 just to get to the point of pregnancy!  That is not a guarantee either, that's only a one time shot, rolling all of the dice on it.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  What my doctor thinks is that I have genetically unstable eggs, and that's why I keep miscarrying.  Now he is not saying that I don't also have the antiphosphalipid syndrome (clotting disorder while pregnant), that is also possibility.  But the biggest hump (no pun intended) is to get me pregnant(get the pun now?), then try to find a way to keep it.  The doctor says that there is always the possibility that we will get pregnant on our own and will carry the baby to term, but it's a slim chance.  He says that all of my eggs can't be bad.  But, for now we are going to go the IUI route and pray for a miracle, so any extra prayers y'all want to send our way would be greatly appreciated. 

     You know, I am very thankful for the time that Walter and I have had to just be married and spend time with each other, but I also know that we are both ready to fill this silent house with lots of noise.  We both want kids badly, and I know that if it is meant to be...it will.  But sometimes it is really hard to wait for God's plan.  I know that He has one, and I've seen it first hand in other parts of my life.  However, while we are in the midst of our journey it's hard to see the whole path.  It's hard to wait, and I keep trying to make little things into big & meaningful signs.  Part of me sees all of our trials as a sign in itself, that we aren't meant to have kids.  But I'm not willing to stop our journey.  Because even though those setbacks occurred I still believe that children are meant to be in our lives.  I'm glad that it didn't happen earlier in my life, b/c I know that I was really not ready...but I have grown a lot and am ready for a little craziness in my life.  OK, a little more craziness.  I am really trying to stay positive, and for the most part I am.  Walter is great though.  He is always positive, and level headed.  I'll go through one of my crazy "lets give up" waves and he'll talk me down.  I'll be crying about not having kids and he'll cheer me up.   I am truly blessed to have him.  There was a time in my life when I wondered why my first marriage didn't work out, but now I know it's b/c God had a much better person in mind for me.  Thanks for listening and please keep those prayers coming.  Love you all.